Week 11: The Weeds of Anger
I. Looking Deeper at Anger
A. How we often view anger
1. We tend to think of our anger in terms of episodes. We get angry, and then we get over it. Sometimes we apologize to the person who is the object of our anger, and sometimes we don’t. But somehow the other person, apology or not, gets over his defensive response, whether an angry outward retort or an inner resentment, and life goes on as usual. The relationship has been scarred but not broken. It’s not a great way to live with one another, but it’s tolerable. That seems to be the way far too many believers view the sin of anger.
B. Anger does not keep good company
1. Ephesians 4:31
2. Colossians 3:8
3. 2 Corinthians 12:20
4. …the weeds of anger are not benign; they are noxious. They can poison our minds of others around us.
C. Noxious weeds that spring up from unresolved anger
1. Resentment
a. Resentment is anger held on to. Most often it is internalized. It arises in the heart of a person who is ill-treated in some way but who does not feel in a position to do anything about it.
b. Resentment may be more difficult to deal with than outwardly expressed anger because the person often continues to nurse his wounds and dwell on his ill-treatment.
2. Bitterness
a. Bitterness is resentment that has grown into a feeling of ongoing animosity. …It is usually the long-term reaction to real or perceived wrong when the initial anger is not dealt with.
b. …regardless of the actual or perceived ill-treatment, bitterness is never a biblical option. We can be hurt, and acknowledge that we have been hurt, without becoming bitter.
3. Enmity and hostility
a. Enmity and hostility are essentially synonymous and denote a higher level of ill will or animosity than does bitterness.
b. Often it is in the form of denigrating or even hateful speech toward or about the objects of the animosity.
4. Grudge
a. …occurs five times in the Bible (see Genesis 27:41; 50:15; Leviticus 19:18; Psalm 55:3; Mark 6:19). …In all five occurrences, the word is associated with taking revenge on the object of the grudge.
b. Romans 12:19-21
5. Strife
a. Strife describes open conflict or turmoil between parties, usually between opposing groups as distinct from individuals.
b. …often occurs between self-righteous Christians who never consider the possibility that their own attitudes or heated words contribute to the strife.
6. …if you will scan back over these weeds, you will see that there is something of an escalation of feelings of ill will and dissension. Anger is never static. If it is not dealt with, it will grow into bitterness, hostility, and revenge-minded grudges.
II. Dealing with Anger
A. Look to the Sovereignty of God
1. God doesn’t cause people to sin against us, but He does allow it, and it is always allowed for a purpose — most often our own growth in Christlikeness.
a. Genesis 45:8; 50:20
b. …however difficult the situation, and however strong the resultant temptation to become angry, God intends good.
B. Pray that God will enable you to grow in love
1. 1 Peter 4:8
2. …follow the example of the Lord Jesus, who in full awareness of His deity performed the most menial task of washing the disciples’ feet (see John 13:2-15).
3. We are to love one another “earnestly”; that is, we are to pursue it diligently. The love that overlooks an offense doesn’t just happen. It comes as we pursue it diligently in dependence on the Holy Spirit.
a. 1 Corinthians 13:5
4. There is probably nothing more corrosive in interpersonal relationships than an unruly tongue (see James 3:5-10). …Sinful words to hurt, especially if they come from someone close to us, but we can choose whether or not they make us angry. We can absorb the hurt as real hurt without becoming angry at the person who spoke the hurtful words. But to do that, we must love that person deeply so that we are not easily angered by unkind words.
5. Do you tend to file away in your mind wrongs done to you? This is a sure road to bitterness.
C. Learn to forgive as God has forgiven you
1. Matthew 18:21-35
a. A talent was six thousand denarii…the servant owed the equivalent of 200,000 years of wages fro the typical laborer. That would be about six to eight billion dollars in our present-day labor market. …one hundred denarii [is] about one-third of a year’s wages or by today’s reckoning about ten to fifteen thousand dollars.
b. …the first sum of money represents our moral and spiritual debt to God. …Regardless of how moral and spiritual we have been, the debt of our sin is enormous. The damage to God’s glory by our sin is determined not by the severity of our sin but by the value of God’s glory. …Every sin we commit, regardless of how insignificant it seems to us, is an assault on His infinite glory.
c. The moment the king forgave the debt, is net worth was reduced by six to eight billion dollars. It cost the king tremendously to forgive his servant’s debt. …In the same manner, it cost God to forgive us. It cost Him the death of His Son. No price can be put on that death, but God paid it so He could forgive each of us of the enormous spiritual debt we owed to Him. …The moral debt of wrongdoing of sinful words and acts against us, is virtually nothing compared to our debt to God.
d. This basis of our forgiving one another, then is the enormity of God’s forgiveness of us. We are to forgive because we have been forgiven so much. Until we acknowledge that we are the ten-thousand-talent debtor to God, we will struggle with forgiving people who have wronged us in significant ways or people who continue to wrong us. …But once we embrace the reality that we truly are such debtors to God because of our “continual” sin against Him, we can say when wronged, “God, that was a terrible wrong against me, but I am the ten-thousand-talent debtor. His sin against me was nothing compared to my sin against You, and because You have forgiven me, I from my heart, forgive that person.”
e. …praying in such a way, even when done sincerely, will cause our anger to immediately disappear. The flesh doesn’t sincerely, will cause our anger to immediately disappear. The flesh doesn’t give up that easily. But the attitude expressed in such a prayer does give us a weapon to use to put our anger to death.
D. “Two wrongs never make a right”
1. The other persons sin does not make our sin of anger “right” or justifiable.
a. James 1:20
*This FOCUS Universtiy Ministry Bible Study is based on Jerry Bridges’ book Respectable Sins, Confronting the Sins We Tolerate. Direct quotes are in italics above.
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